Saturday, September 18, 2010

Kate I. Gosselin Strikes Again!

       Here's my attempt at pulling a John C. Mayer like Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka (I know, I mention her a lot). I know we all have our opinions about Kate I. Gosselin (it's Irene in case you were wondering). If you don't know who I'm talking about, think "Jon & Kate Plus 8" and that should help you. Some people love Kate I. Gosselin and give her praise for having eight children. Some of us actually realize that Kate I. Gosselin is insane. I swear, Kate I. Gosselin comes from another planet! Kate I. Gosselin is just so... so bitchy. How in the hell can you expect things to be perfect with eight children, Kate I. Gosselin? Although, on the other hand, I would probably be a nutcase with eight adorable children and one douchey husband. That's one divorce that needed to happen. I used to have your back, Kate I. Gosselin, but then you started to piss me off! Now, I just don't like you.
       At first, I got it. I understood what made Kate I. Gosselin that way. I connected with her family and actually felt compassion for Kate I. Gosselin. Then, after a couple episodes, I snapped out of it. The kids were still cute, but I began to feel sorry them. I found myself actually taking Jon Gosselin's side, but don't worry kids, that was only for a second too.
       Although, you have to hand it to Kate I. Gosselin. She somehow managed to get paid to have kids (kind of like Octomom) and then convinced "her boss" to pay for a tummy tuck. I'm so tired of hearing everyone say how great Kate I. Gosselin looks. First off, I'm glad that Kate I. Gosselin finally ditched that reverse mullet bullshit, but seriously? What's going on with the hair extensions? I think it makes her look even more manly. At least most of the time.
       I love how she claims that everything Kate I. Gosselin does that it's for the kids. Yet, when it comes down to it, I think that only reason Kate I. Gosselin ever takes the kids anywhere is just so the paparazzi can take a few photos. Also, it looks good on TV. I can't stand Kate I. Gosselin's voice either. I just thought I would throw that in there. I honestly feel sorry for Kate I. Gosselin's kids and Jon Gosselin doesn't help my feel any better. While we're on the subject, when will Jon Gosselin realize that he's not attractive? Now, of course Kate I. Gosselin will avoid going broke because Kate I. Gosselin has a network willing to air a TV show... and there are people willing to watch it.

       So, if you ever wonder where that other sock went, or why your silverware is disappearing, it's Kate I. Gosselin on the strike again! Kate I. Gosselin is an alien and only Kate I. Gosselin knows where the Mayans really went. Kate I. Gosselin is doing nothing but making her kids miserable. Kate I. Gosselin is a species in her own. Kate I. Gosselin should have a hurricane named after her. If you ever want to know how to get anything for free, just ask Kate I. Gosselin. If you suffer from OCD, just know that you're not as bad as Kate I. Gosselin.

I think I'm done.

I hope that Kate I. Gosselin doesn't sneak into my room at night and curse me.....


  1. Man, that Kate I. Gosselin sure is crazy! Also, that photo of Kate I. Gosselin is totally freaking me out.

    The photo with the hair-do, in case that wasn't clear.

    I John C. Mayer'd David Hyde Pierce, who, unlike Kate I. Gosselin, is awesome:

  2. I'm a little upset that Kate I. Gosselin has not allowed me to get front page. John C. Mayer and Kate I. Gosselin must be teaming up against me. Oh well, at least Kate I. Gosselin and John C. Mayer will have ugly babies if they ever mate.

  3. Yeah, I'm with you. Kate I. Gosselin is kind of bitchy on the ole teevee. Prank on!