Stress? Elephant Poo!

My day was spent watching my man cut grass. Yes, that's right. You think I'm bullshitting you, but I'm not. My day was also spent with a headache. When we got home, I had to cook and now, my body is too sore to workout. Shit like that irritates me. I hate to hurt. I also hate to sound like a hypochondriac when I complain about this shit. (I already dealt with a few people like that in my life and hated every second of it).... *light bulb* And there we have it. Something for me to bitch about for a second. I cannot stand people who do stupid shit for attention. Don't they realize that them trying to make their life seem so horrible only make people dislike them? Obviously, not. Then, they run away to some foreign island somewhere, to get "treated" for over a year. Yeah... If you missed that story, you should swing on over to my other blog and check that out.... click here. (strong language... can't say I didn't warn you).
On to more important things that actually deserve my time... Are penguins plotting to take over the world? I think they are. More and more of them are becoming famous. I mean, look at how many starred in March of the Penguins or what about Happy Feet. They're cute. Just cute enough to overtake the world. Someone also asked, 'Why are asteroids in the hemisphere, and hemorrhoids in an ass'? Another good question. I'm going to start calling my butt-rhoids, asteroids. Hell, maybe I'll name them one day if they get big enough and do away with the confusion all together. Don't even get my started on organized religion. That's a whole other blog....
Alright, kids, fo' cereal. Let's talk about stress. Stress is such a huge factor when it comes to weight loss. We've all heard this a million times before, yet what do we do when the scales aren't doing what we want them to? Stress. What do some (if not most) of us do when we stress? Eat. I have no problem telling other people how to control their stress, but never follow my own instruction (with anything). Whether you like it or not, you have to find time for yourself during the day. Even if it's just a few minutes. Don't give me that bullshit about "I work a full time job and 43 kids".... You can always find a few minutes to yourself and if you claim you can't, you aren't trying to find time. Even if you have to set your alarm clock 10 minutes early and force yourself to get up before everyone else... Grab your coffee, tea, milk, OJ (the actual juice, not the killer), whatever and step outside. Take in 10 deep breaths and know that no matter what you face today, you can take it! If you can't do it in the morning, wait until the kids are in bed and instead of watching some ridiculous reality TV show or jumping on the computer, go outside and listen to the sounds of the night (unless you live in the ghetto and hear gunshots, then stay inside and cover your head with a pillow - or four)... Another huge stress reliever is Think Positively! A book I think every one needs to read, is The Secret. (I'll post a link) This book will change your life. I actually need to pick it up and read it again. I'm not a religious person, and this book actually taught me things. If you are thinking negative, you are a magnet for negative... same goes for positive thinking. If you're the type of person to sit around and point out everything bad in your life... guess what? It's only going to get worse. If you make it a habit each day (and I really need to take my own advice here) to sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything positive in your life, you'll notice things start to fall in place and more good things start happening. Each week, your lists will get longer and better. When you feel like stress eating, grab and pen and get to writing. (Or start your own blog). Vomit all the negative onto the page and then follow it up with positive. I know, I'm being repetitive. Get over it. You'll eventually listen to me and know that I'm right. 
Some of you have people that drive you insane on a daily basis. I bet I can make that easier to deal with too. This will completely contradict what I just said above, but you'll only need to "sin" for a couple days to get over it. Every day, when you see or think about that person (or people), picture them running somewhere and their foot catches on a small, yet noticeable, object! Slowly, they fall to the ground.... letting out a long (slow motion) "NnnoOOoOoooooOooo" only to have their face land in a pile of elephant shit... in their favorite outfit. If that doesn't put a smile on your face and make that person easier to handle, I don't know what to tell you. Just make sure to go home that night and write your positives, you should be just fine. So, I say Screw Stress! You just have to find your ways around it. I'll talk more about this in other blogs... so don't think you've heard the last of it.